Letters from the Transformers & Fans
by Kusari-Gama 61602
Summary: Strange pairings, Mary Sue's, and others. The Transformers' reactions to it all. Inspired by "Sincerely, the Vampires".
1. Letters 1 & 2

**Author's Note: Okay, so I was surfing through some Transformers stuff and, frankly, I am disappointed at some things fans have done to the Transformers universe. This is what I imagine the Transformers' reactions would be, along with some of the fans. **

**Specific people (unless everybody knows them) will not be named. If you were named (hopefully, unlikely), please message me and I'll take it down. **

**Feel free to ****enjoy thi****s, ignore it, or leave a review with other points you want me to add. **

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Dear Fanfiction Writers,

I am about thirty feet tall. You humans are about five feet tall. The mere idea of me having an offspring with a female human is – to put it simply – impossible.

- Optimus Prime

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Dear DeviantART artists,

If Optimus had a sparkmate, she would not look exactly like him. That would be very narcissistic of him and horribly uncreative of the artist.

- the Transformers fans

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**:D**


	2. Letters 3, 4, 5, & 6

**Special thanks to Sherlock109 and Prizm for letter ideas. **

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To the puny, worthless insects,

Starscream is pathetic, useless, and barely worth my time. He constantly challenges my position and foolishly tried to lead the Decepticons in _Transformers: Animated_ before finally dying off. I don't know which of you fleshlings thought it was amusing to make him my sparkmate but I can assure that once I hunt you down, your death shall be MY amusement.

- Megatron

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Dear specific DeviantART artists,

If I had a daughter, she would be a Transformer - not a mermaid and not a wolf. And her hair wouldn't be bright red and blue. Please recheck your definition of "hidden in plain sight."

- Optimus Prime

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Dear Fanfiction writers (and DeviantART artists),

I understand that you want your original character to be with Optimus, and I'm okay with that. However, making me the evil glitch who prevents you and Optimus from being together is crossing the line. I've been closer to Optimus than you or your character ever will be.

- Elita One

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Dear Fanfiction writers,

I am extremely interested in seeing what started this Prowl-and-me-being-an-item craze...

- Jazz

* * *

Dear Fanfiction writers,

Thank you for the stories of me throwing wrenches at everybody. I will try that.

- Ratchet

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Dear everybody,

:D

- Bumblebee

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**Enjoy and remember to leave a letter in the review if you like! **


	3. Letters 7, 8, 9, 10, & 11

**Author Note: I think that it is important for me to say that these are NOT MY OWN OPINIONS on the fandom. These are simply what I THINK the Transformers' reactions would be. I try to keep it like that. Any person(s) who think that these are my own opinions will be shamed.**

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Dear Transformers fans,

I am not Bonita/Causeway/Delena Darkside's husband. Nor am I her sparkmate. Yes, I do know about the entire bedroom dedicated to me. And yes, I do find it worrying.

Should I send Ratchet to check on her?

- Optimus Prime

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Dear DeviantART artists,

What's with drawing us with mustaches?

- the Autobots

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To the fleshbags of this ridiculously small dirtball,

How _dare _you think that I, the great Starscream, would ever sink as low as to take a human child for a sparkmate? I lead the Decepticons! We are going to crush this pathetic excuse for a planet and exterminate you insects! We shall be your rulers and you, our slaves! We shall-

(rest of letter has been scribbled out)

Megatron here. Starscream has been dealt with. Did you really think I'd let him tell you everything?

- Megatron

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To my fellow humans,

Bumblebee is my car – not my lover. He's a robot. I'm a human. The mere thought… oh God… I don't even want to think about it. Nonono! No thinking… no thinking… just… brain bleach. Yeah, brain bleach…

- a very distressed Sam Witwicky

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To everybody,

I'm… adorable?

- Bumblebee

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**Special thanks again to Sherlock109 for an idea for a specific letter. Remember to leave an idea in the reviews! **


	4. Letters 12, 13, 14, & 15

**Author's Note: Okay, the topics tackled in this chapter are actually veeeery controversial, especially the first one. Sorry if you support these POV's and get offended. Remember – this is not an attack on anybody. It's just the Transformers' possible reactions to the craziness of our world.**

**Once again, these are not my views. Anyone who thinks so will be shamed. SHAMED, I TELL YOU.**

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_::Outgoing Message to the Citizens of Earth::_

Optimus Prime and Lord Megatron: former brothers and comrades.

Possibility of amorous relationship: zero percent.

Date of information relay: twenty-fifth of Earth month June at 21:43:08.

Lord Megatron's initial status: critical condition from overload of cognitive sensors.

Lord Megatron's current status: ordering annihilation of Earth

Earth's inhabitants' complete termination: Imminent.

- **Soundwave**

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To the humans of Earth,

Do you have some sort of _sick _tendency to pair any random two people together? Do you have any kind of idea how much it infuriates me to see myself paired with – oh, I don't know – Megatron, Starscream, Knock Out, and Breakdown? Just to name a few? Also, Jack? Really? You're pairing me with _Jack_? That's like pairing Raf with Bumblebee!

DON'T make me hunt you guys down.

- **Arcee**

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Dear Michael Bay,

Yes, we saw the deleted scenes in the Blu-Ray DVD edition of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Now please explain why you cut out a wonderfully epic scene of Optimus fighting just to squeeze in a scene of dogs humping.

Sincerely,

**The Transformers Fans**

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**And now… a feature letter from a fan.**

_To Megatron:_

_Hi! I'm your biggest fan… maybe. You stupid fragger – you can't even tell that you will never win. I'm your fan because it's funny watching you beat the ** out of Starscream. Optimus is cool… to say the most. Decepticons get all the cool weapons and alt-modes. _

_- **Metalatron**_

To Metalatron,

How do you know I'm never going to win? Optimus may be a Prime, but I lead a vast army of Decepticons. We're the main reason Optimus was forced to leave Cybertron in the first place. As for you being a fan, I say it's useless unless you're a robot. Then you might make a fine addition to my army. But you're not a Transformer - you're merely a fleshling.

Watch what you say about me.

- **Megatron**

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**Enjoy! Click the review button to get a cookie from Bumblebee! :D**


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